Written and sung by Mark Frey
to the tune of "One Week"
by the Bare Naked Ladies
It’s been one week
since we played the square
saved Cassandra’s butt
and got outta there
a few thousand years,
another afternoon
startin’ to feel like that chick
that lived in Brigadoon
five days since we wrote it down-
all the crap that
we had to get for Doc Zown
yesterday, everyone was clappin’
but it’ll be a long while
till we figure out what happened
hoppin’ back and forth across time
stoppin’ Zown’s crime
an’ try’n to cure the Hair Blight
this happenstance gives a chance
to work out the big romance
cause Arrond really thinks that Elven Ranger’s outta sight
but Thonya’s got some bad skills
give brother J chills
an’ he’s against the lovers happiness
Prince Deverid thinks the same way
if he gets his say
the two will never get to undress
but as Teevus croons
and Arrond moons
Ard Nassak talks about pontoons
because the curse won’t let
her really speak her mind, see?
and Devrid thinks his family stinks
because of long-ago hijinks
that I suppose are gonna show up
in round 2 or 3
all the while Keldith’s scarfing stuff
behind our backs
eggs, and chickens, and now
even a few brass tacks
speakin of which aren’t we
supposed to be out on a quest?
doin’ stuff at our own
future selves’ behest
don’t even know just where or when
we’re standin’ right now
but if we meet ourselves
I know it’s gonna hurt
It’s been one week
since we were eating food
a messenger interrupted,
wasn’t that rude?
five days since Zown went nuts
left us behind,
now that sure took a lot of guts
three days since the distant past
he tried to kill us all
in a chemical reaction blast
yesterday, we’re gonna save the world
but it’ll still be a while
till we figure out what happened
down at the NOVELS,
we met up with Granite
weirdest travel agent
on the whole darn planet
before and afterwards was Bobyolyn
with his drunkard grin
he had the clue that Sylva couldn’t pin
somewhere in all of this we went Goth
with lots of ripped cloth
leather and crazy hi-tech eyewear
the lovers’ quarrel between two gods
we almost lost our bods
the magic weasel’s gone
how unfair!
gotta get the cure and find a way
to get back home to now today
before we end up in the pit
with all the Lilth spies
but those mushROOMS
will spell out DOOM
if used too soon so we must BOOM
run off leavin’
all the nixot victims sealed up
and where the hell did all
these Teevuses come from?
what’s with they gypsy goin’
makin us all feel dumb?
kinda hope this doesn’t turn out
like in Star Trek
‘cause when they travel time
it’s always such a big wreck
I suppose there’s gotta be
some NPCs I left out
I’m really sorry if I made ‘em
feel like dirt
It’s been one week one week
since they lit the pyre
and we skipped town with
this pointy-eared compulsive liar
five days since we met Giselle
already worked her in once,
but hey now what the hell
three days since Dev got a clue
and wrote ourselves exactly
what we had to do
yesterday, we finally got back home
but it’ll still be a while
till we figure out what happened
still be a while
till we figure out what happened
still be a while
till we figure out what happened
hey Filking Wieners,
what’s with the Florkas
