Written by Randal Cox (with thanks to Mike Watts)
to the tune of "One Tin Soldier"
by Lambert-Potter, sung by Coven
Volkannanders, hear my story, one that happened just last year
About a short and grimy crook, that dropped big Sven right on his rear.
You see he came up North with Harek, and a band of misfit scum.
Here to pay a debt of honor, to our leader - the king’s old chum.
Chorus:
Go ahead and judge a short man, go ahead and tease a gnome!
Do it in front of kinsmen. Do it in your hearth and home.
There won’t be any glory for you, It won’t make you men.
In the blood-stained scene thereafter, one gnome boxer laughs again.
Now you know we don’t like strangers, Never trust ‘em, kill’em dead.
But the band that Harek brought us, had a few surprises yet.
The dwarf had fought against the goblins, the dame had stalked our northern wastes.
But when we asked this Skirver, gnome, all he claimed was thieving traits.
Chorus
How could the King send him to us? We stood and yelled and asked again.
He thought a moment, fear upon him, Said back home he’s a box-man.
Well that we understood right off, and Sven, our best, stepped up to boast,
Kjar set up the boxing challenge, I bet the gnome’d would soon be toast.
Chorus
You could smell the fear on Skirvir, even through his filthy clothes,
As he hemmed and hawed and pleaded, but for him no choice arose.
Sven stepped proudly into the ring, while we all shoved Skirver fore.
The battle’d be to first man down. Gnome Skirvir would soon hit the floor!
Chorus
The crowd was wild, the betting fierce, the odds were on our Sven’s first swing.
I think we all were quite distracted, when we heard Kjar’s deep voice ring.
It came behind Sven’s beefy shoulder, the tall blonde man turned ‘round to look.
And Skirver crouched behind his knees, Sven’s turn around was all it took.
Chorus
In shocked dismay the room was silent as our Sven fell to the floor
I lost much gold on him that day, the odds were weak, but I thought sure.
The strangers lifted Skirver up, cheered his win o'er certain doom,
And we all learned respect for gnomes, even one we knew to be a goons.
